Dead on arrival

You’re untouchable. A real ninja when it comes to dodging cats—be they black, or any colour. Best be safe. Fridays are tiresome anyway, why even leave the house on any—especially one that’s 13th? There’s no way you would open an umbrella indoors. ‘cause you don’t own an umbrella! A little rain never hurt anybody… And who says you need salt for your meals?! Bland food’s still good. Salt shakers are the work of the Devil. You ticked all the boxes for a healthy, long life, safe from any ill-fated accident.